I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
