Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pants are for mortals
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
