I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
