Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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