just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
