I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
