There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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