how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
