I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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