You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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