I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
