My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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