yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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