he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
