They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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