moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
