i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
