The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
