I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
