Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
