Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
