I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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