I heard we made out
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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