She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
