Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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