My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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