A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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