I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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