I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
