I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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