it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
