You really coming over, don't trick.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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