So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
