some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
