just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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