You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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