So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
