What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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