Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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