just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
