im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
