I am puke
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its about making memories worth repressing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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