He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
