How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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