If that was your dad, he is hot
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
