He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
