Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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