your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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