Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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