is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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