I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
