don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
