We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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