it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
