i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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