Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
