...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
