Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
