wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence