FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.