he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
