Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."