my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
