i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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