The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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