i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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