I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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