she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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