They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
