Is it because I queefed?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
