My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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