he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
