i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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