I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
