her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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