there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
