so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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