Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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