Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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