I think scott just propositioned me for sex
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
