If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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