I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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