one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
