Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He shit in the fireplace
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
