wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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