# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why do cheetos always look like penises
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
