Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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