I wannas sexs uuuuu
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
