Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
